We Miss You, Ninicoco!

Dearest Mommy,

Your “Tatacoco” is now in law school. (that’s how we had endearingly called our daughter Sam when she was very young) 

I thank the Lord God for the opportunity to see her get to this point in her life as I had promised you I would. Of course, I will no longer be able to help her with school work like you did when she was growing up because what she is learning today is already so beyond my pay grade :). But I can’t help wondering sometimes if she would have made a good pediatrician like we had wishfully dreamed about when she was still a toddler. But that doesn’t really matter now. What is truly more important is that she has already decided her life’s path. I know you would have approved whatever she decides to do or follow with her heart. She is after all your precious little “tata”, remember?

Our self- imposed isolation to be safe from Covid-19 is really tough. Sam and I have both been unable to go out since March last year, except for recent events when I had to be rushed to the hospital. I can only remember fleeting images of the world outside on the way to the Philippine Heart Center. But again, we miss your being here with us because you had always provided us with the courage and grace to get through similar tough moments in the past. Remember too how I had often left Sam with you and the doctor whenever some procedure was required with needles and all? I must admit to the world that I am both a wimp and a flake when it comes to dealing with those things. (Although I seem to have become a little better at it because I have no choice than to take your place)

But I digress a bit because today is really about you. It’s about again wishfully reimagining a world with you and at the same time facing up to the reality that you have now only become our guardian angel.

Has it really already been fourteen (14) years now since you went ahead to our Lord’s garden? It still feels like a mere blip in time, because we still miss you so terribly. I guess we will never tire of singing praises about what a loving and faithful person you were, because you truly are. Time will not erase how you have cared for us so selflessly. We will forever be grateful for the privilege of having shared your life. As we will forever miss you for your steadfast and loving presence. 

What more is there to say without sounding like a broken record (of course younger people today cannot picture what that means) But still it will not deter us from singing praises about what a truly wonderful person you were. You came into our lives like a bolt of lightning and just as quickly had been taken away. I’ve often wondered why? For what reason? And have only recently come to terms with the fact that maybe we will only truly know the answer to that when we finally again meet someday. Until that time, I will just have to say that we miss you so much. I look at our old photographs today and can’t help but realize how you will never really age, unlike me. You will always remain radiantly beautiful as the day I first met you at the Gourmet cafe. Have I not kidded you so often about looking Imeldific on that day, being so perfectly coiffed against the scruffy person that I was? Well time has not been too kind on me as I have practically lost most of my hair these days haha.

We remember how you had left us today to be in our Lord’s garden. If I have been too selfish before to share you with the world, it doesn’t really matter much now because I am sure you have already built an even more beautiful and abundant garden where you are today. 

I love you very, very much, Mommy. Please continue to pray for us, especially for Sam who still misses you every single day. While it pains me to accept the reality of our distance, I can now only trust our Lord and choose to share your “beauty” with the rest of the world. We miss you so much my Ninicoco! (my other name for you)

With all my love,