Thank You Mommy!

mariel-at-the-park

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my… mother” — Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Coming home from school, I asked Sam about the little box in her school bag that had this wonderful Lincoln quote (it was a gift from her grandma). I also wanted to know if she still often thinks about her mom. She just simply nodded, probably thinking it was a rather silly question. I guess I just wanted again to find another excuse to talk about Mariel. (I’ve often felt a bit embarrassed finding myself unintentionally “appending” my beloved into many casual conversations. Friends I think do their best however to “accommodate” this habit). That was when I asked Sam further about what she thought she had “owed’ her mommy with regard to being who she was. I kidded her that I was quite sure that she had “inherited” the healthy appetite from me. She then went on to enumerate the following, as best as a young ten-year old can. ”

“Thank you mommy for”:

– “my good grades” (she believes it’s her mom and rightfully so, who had instilled in her the discipline to take school work seriously and consequently excel in it. Sam works hard at it and I see Mariel’s passion for perfection in our little Sammy too)

– “my nice skin” (Mariel did have that unbelievably flawless complexion. Fortunately too Sam got her’s and not mine)

– “my nice clothes” (I think Sam meant mommy’s fine taste in clothes. Mariel had always been a smart dresser and channeled this passion in getting Sam clothes and accessories almost weekly)

– “our nice house” (Mariel loved to make our home comfortable and beautiful. She was always taking care to decorate it specially during Christmas. I guess I just have to do my best to continue where she had left off)

Our only daughter, in time, I know will come to realize that there are so much more to be appreciated about her mommy  (specially with her mom’s complete love and devotion to her). I have come to recognize more and more each day, that Sam is indeed becoming to be all the best things her mommy was.

I still miss Mariel as much as the day when she had left us for God’s garden. But it eases the pain somewhat each time I get to be with Sam. Because she is truly Mariel’s greatest gift to me, having given the best part of herself through our beloved daughter.

We thank you Mommy for your life of love. We love you!

Advertisements

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

sunday-at-heritage

I chanced upon this poem while going through some blogs the other night. It had touched something in me, one that I’ve been struggling with this past year. While I’ve always done my best to truly believe that Mariel is in a far better place now, the “human” part of me still craves for greater certainty and more reassurance. I guess I’ve got my ANSWER now. Maybe Mariel even helped me find this one. So I’d like to share this poem with you today. Perhaps you too can find some answers in it.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep–  by Mary Frye

“Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.”

(A truly wonderful poem that has an interesting story relating to its origin that probably deserves a separate post.)

Happy Birthday in Heaven!

new-mommy

Dear Mommy,

Last year, Samantha wrote you a birthday card wishing you a happy first birthday in heaven. Well today would then be your second one there. Actually I’m not sure how they celebrate it over there, if at all, but all I really wish for is that you are truly happy now and that you are always gloriously in the presence of our Lord. I’m sorry though if I still bug you from time to time with my trivial little problems. You know more than anyone that I could never get any rest unless I had shared them with you. (I also miss those reassuring hugs so much.)

I posted too this candid photo of you when Sam was barely a week old because it speaks to me about how much you had loved her– then and now.  I promise to do my best to face life bravely for her sake and shall always strive to take care of her the way you have always wanted. She is growing up so fast and I see more and more of you in her with each passing day. Please try to guide her also whenever you can because there are just some things I was never really good at, like perhaps explaining about “the birds and the bees” thingy.

Mama offered Holy Mass for you today as I make my usual trip to Heritage. We will also have a simple dinner to remember you tonight with Mama, Alma, Baguie and kids. I do hope you can join us then. And always, always remember that we love you so very much, now and forever.

Happy Birthday in Heaven Mommy!

With all my love,

Bong

Lovely Flowers For A Lovely Lady

“Dear God, The journey has been long and hard. Thank you for being with me. There is still more to do. Please stay with me… Amen”   — Marta Felber, Finding Your Way

The week ended with the yearly commemoration of All Saints’ Day. To just about everyone in our largely Christian country, November 1 has always been reserved for the remembrance of lost love ones. It usually meant bringing the most beautiful flowers one can possibly get for them. I had white ones for Mariel because she had told me once before that she had specially liked them for these occasions. The special day however had made a few more thoughts cross my mind. For one, it had reminded me ever so viscerally that in a few days, Mariel’s and my birthday shall be coming. I’m still very much saddened by these expected anniversaries and celebrations, simply because Mariel and I had always given them a lot of importance and seriousness . I know nevertheless that I must do my best to see them in a slightly different light now. As I even try to start new ways of keeping the memories alive. It’s easier said than done though when your loved one’s not there to make it worth celebrating. However, I must strive just the same because I know Mariel would’ve bravely breezed through these times.

(Now I guess I should be working on putting up that nice Christmas tree for Mariel soon.)