I promised Mariel that I’ll be home for Christmas. And it’s one that I will keep despite the expected “lumps”. Most of you know that Sam and I have lived as voluntary “refugees” at my sister Alma’s home since Mariel passed away. It’s been impossible to live at our house knowing that it’s “soul” is now gone. For Mariel was quite simply the one that made it a place to call “home”.
Christmas Eve was spent with us hosting the traditional ” noche buena” or Christmas feast at Mandaluyong for my mom Conchita, sis Alma, brother-in-law Baguie and their two wonderful kids, Trisha and Gabby, who fondly call me “toto” and Mariel as their “naning”. It was a simple dinner with Mariel’s favorite Spaghetti and various Filipino sweets and goodies. We reserved places for some friends and of course our beloved Mariel. We had the usual gift-giving and ended the night with a special prayer for Mariel. I missed though getting those nice shirts from Mariel this year. But it doesn’t matter, I’m sure that there will be some waiting for me when we again meet.
Mommy I miss you and I know you were with us that night. I promise that I’ll always be home for Christmas no matter what. So be sure to have some fresh pasta ready. Have a Merry Christmas with everyone up there in Heaven. XOXOXO
Mariel's Garden 
I’m glad you were able to do this. And I’m struck by how important the food is in our grieving.
Blessings to you both.
Hi Bong,
It’s wonderful that your sister understands how difficult it is for your and Sam to be at your home without Mariel there. I have the same difficulty when I find myself home alone. I feel I have to go somewhere, anywhere, just to keep myself from collapsing under the memories of Owen here in this house. It’s such an odd thing – I love the memories, but am also overwhelmed by them. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, and that’s why you spend time with Alma. You and Sam are lucky to have her nearby.
Take care,
Linda
Yes Linda you best describe exactly how it is. It’s welcoming and loving the avalanche of memories that come and at the same time being overwhelmed and suffocated by them. I guess the deeper you loved someone the more intense the memories hit you. And they come so unpredictably.. a scent, a book , even an ordinary hair brush can send you reeling back into the abyss. Don’t really know when they will end or if I even want them to. Sometimes they are all I have to make it through the day.. that and of course the caring attention that my sister, mom and others like YOU have given us. Thank you… Thank you for being there for us.