I Still Can’t Say Good-bye

It’s often said that “Time heals all wounds”. But I can tell you now that after almost a year, I ‘m still nowhere near the so-called “moving on” thing. I guess I’m just not ready to say good-bye yet. Maybe I never will. For Mariel is very much a part of my life today as she has always been. In fact, there is nothing I do now where I don’t find time to try to “share” with her. She is even there when I go through my moments of musings and daydreams.

One of our many “dreams” was to someday see the famous castles of Europe. To walk along the storybook land of princes and princesses. “To gaze awhile among the fields of barley”. I’ve often imagined myself as some knight out to save my “damsel in distress”. And because Mariel and I are incurable romantics, tonight I offer her this song from Sting and Eva Cassidy– Fields of Gold. To tell her that one day she will have her wish. That I promise that we will then, forever walk “among those fields of gold”.

I miss you Mommy and I love you so much.

6 thoughts on “I Still Can’t Say Good-bye

  1. Thanks for dropping by Jan. I never really thought about what breathtaking sights the world around us offers till now. But of course you know this only too well yourself, living in such a beautiful place by the sea.

    All the best to you always.

  2. There is no timeline for grief, as you know, Bong. Who is to say that your wound must heal or must heal within a year? You are doing okay. Just let yourself be who you are and feel what you feel.

  3. Hi Writinggb, nice to hear from you as always.

    I just can’t help but be a bit anxious around this time as traditionally our culture observes a one year mourning period which officially ends with the coming first year anniversary. We even are supposed to throw some kind of a “party”.

    Of course the occasion provides a means of remembrance but as you also said rightfully grief does not operate on a timeline. Moving on will come but not just yet, and Mariel is truly too beautiful to ever be forgotten.

    Blessings to you and all the best to your coming back to teach again.

  4. I didn’t realize that was a part of your tradition. I guess there’s at least one good part of having mourning be officially recognized as taking place for a year. In America society, it almost feels as if we are not supposed to feel grief after the funeral is over, or at least not talk about the dead. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want everyone to be looking at me, expecting me to be fine now just because the official time to grieve is over.

    It does sound like your friends and family are very supportive, though, so I doubt you will get too much overt pressure form them to move on. And they knew Mariel, so I’m sure they know how special she was and how much she is still a presence in the lives of all who loved her.

  5. Yes I feel blessed with having family and friends like you helping ease the pain of being apart from Mariel. As you said too her loving presence however shall always be with those who loved her.

    Thanks again for “walking” with me through this dark road called grief.

    I pray that your own journey is filled only with love, peace and joyful discovery.

    Warm regards from Manila.

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