A Bleep In My Heart

Mariel and me in San Francisco

It was on the Ides of March that  I had first “met” the person who had changed my life forever. She was to be my wife, my best friend, cheerleader, soulmate and ultimately, my redemption. For with her passing, she had made me into the infinitely better person I can only before dream as possible. For she had taught me how to really love. To love unconditionally and to find one’s happiness in the service of something greater than one’s self.  (I also believe that she continues to offer her faithful guidance to our only daughter Samantha today.)

To my dear friends who had followed this blog… our story, I wish to again reiterate my eternal gratitude for your having been a part of my journey. I am so thankful for the comfort you had shared with me. It may seem too that I had been away from the garden for sometime now. Trust me when I say that I’m still always there EVERY single day. Only that I have chosen to bear my pain in silence. For Mariel is too beautiful to ever be easily forgotten. And greatly missing her is just something I’m doing my best to try to live with, until our next reunion .

Not long after the fateful day in March I had told Mariel that, “you were once only a bleep on the (computer) screen, now you are a bleep in my heart”. For me, those words and moments shall remain frozen in time till eternity and that she will remain always my one true love.

I love you Mommy, you are not just a bleep now, you are my heart forever.

(Allow me to share this tune from Chick Corea and Return To Forever called “Crystal Silence”, which just like Mariel’s love is both wordless and sublime.)

7 thoughts on “A Bleep In My Heart

  1. Dear Bong,

    I am so glad you are celebrating the day you met Mariel – these times remain times of joy despite the heartache of loss.

    The music is beautiful and haunting – it’s what I call late night, listen to by candlelight music. It is playing as I type this – and I shall stay here in the garden, until it has played itself out. Happy anniversary memories dear friend.

    I will hold you in my heart, and hope you can feel some peace, whilst yet remembering your beautiful lady. Love to you and Sam.

    Your friend, Jan

  2. My dear friend Jan,

    Thank you for again visiting our “garden”. I’m sorry I’ve not been so visible lately. I’m really just here all the time except that I can’t seem to find the words to express the deep longing for Mariel I still have each day. Your comforting words however help keep me going, even when I sometimes cannot seem to find a lot be hopeful about what lies ahead. But then there is our Sam, who is the only thing that still makes my whole world worthwhile. I do my best to live my life for her now, if only to realize Mariel’s many, many beautiful dreams for our talented, young daughter.

    Many thanks again, for all the good wishes. Please know that I always also keep praying for God’s blessings for the loving person that you are and for your happy family as well.

    Warmest regards,


  3. ivy

    hi bong! happy anniversary! it’s great to know that 12 years ago, you were with us, remember? it’s extra great that during that time, our quiet, reticent, soft-hued bong was to meet the girl who would deserve the best of genuine loving he had treasured long in his heart! and to think that you had kept from us all the “joyful and glorious mysteries” of your a-brewing lovelife, i can softly say that you’re a bit ungenerous and unjust then! but i rightup understand why and would always do, if you know what i mean… ha ha! God bless and keep that blip forever in your heart. it inspires us!
    your friend out here, ivy

  4. Yes Ivy, its been that many years since we were together at the radio network. In spite of everything, they were indeed some of my most happy and memorable times at work. I had been very inspired by your steadfast commitment to your work and craft. I’m sorry I had not shared a lot about my brewing love story then. I was as surprised as most of my friends were that something as wonderful as Mariel could ever happen to me.

    Thank you for sharing in our journey. I know God has brought as all together for a purpose, which is to serve as witnesses to his great love and faithfulness. I have come to believe this even more with Mariel’s passing that truly Love conquers all things… even death itself.

    Your friend always too.


  5. Hi Bong,

    Thanks for the birthday wishes at mysteryoriley.

    Oh, my, the anniversaries of so many events we enjoyed are so hard now. As awful as we feel about our losses, we’re so very fortunate to have had our loved ones in our lives, yes? I know you will continue to hold on to your beautiful memories of Mariel and the lives you lived together with Sam – even while you’re busy creating new memories.

    Take care,

  6. Annie

    Hi Bong,

    Just wanted to let you know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers. At night, the kids and I say a special prayer that goes… Lord, please bless Tita Mar, may her soul rest in peace. Please bless Tito Bong and Sam, that they may be able to move on without Tita Mar. And please help us to accept what has happened to her, Amen.

    I’m trying… I know there’s a purpose for everything… but I still miss her so much.

    Thanks for keeping memories of her alive through this garden.

    Take care. Hugs and kisses to Sam.


  7. Dear Annie,

    Thank you for your love and prayers. I am doing my best to carry on but still miss her so much. I just keep busy raising Sam the way Mariel would have always wanted. This is the least I can do for a truly loving and beautiful person. And I also know that Mariel continues to pray and look over us. She is our angel.

    Take care too. Blessings always to you and the family.


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