I went to the mall today. It was tough just getting from the entrance to the exit. Of all times, they decided it was a good day to play “Silent Night”. Books on grieving tell you to expect the unexpected. But nothing prepares you for when the feelings hit you. Yes I’ve lost my Mariel less than a month ago, and if you care to know it feels like having a 30-pound iron ball trying to escape through your chest cavity every time.

I dread the coming holidays. Not to mention Mariel’s birthday which is coming in some two weeks. The experts again advise you to plan in detail how you want to spend those days. To avoid having to deal with the stray memories. I don’t know about you but the only reason I live now is because of those memories. I will go through those days, cherish the memories and there really are tons of them. As weekends were spent mainly cuddling each other, with our daughter Sam. I will also probably cry a lot. Crying is good. Crying heals, albeit so slowly. Crying keeps you less numb, at least for some minutes. Crying keeps you from dying. I can’t tell how long I have to deal with more dog days.

By the way “dog days” are technically the hottest days in the year, when everything seems to stand still. Right now, I feel like I’m strolling underwater, just trying to make it to the exit. By the way, I forgot to mention that its October 19, it’s just past lunch and I’m at the Glorietta mall and a bomb just went off. You can follow the rest on TV. I’ll be sitting it out some more. The “mortars” exploding in my chest are more fearsome to me.