Grieving is a lonely road I must learn to travel by myself. There are no road maps to hasten the journey. Only anecdotes and tear-drenched stories of those who have gone through it before. And with gratitude I take comfort in their promise. There are many others too who want to join me on my passage. Family, friends and even faceless people who share my deep anguish. And I thank them all so very much from my heart’s depths for their caring and affection.

But I alone can make this trek through the valley. And hope to maybe make it through the other side. Sometimes it’s cold and desolate, sometimes so full of suffocating regrets. And I pray to God that He may hold my hand as I make the crossing. But I’m not ready to “let go” just yet. Not just yet. Please forgive me Mariel for being so spineless now. I love you so much and have only your memories to keep me going. Give me a little more time to learn to live with the pain and accept that you are in a really, really better place. And as Linda once said ” to find reasons to wake up each day, knowing Samantha is enough”. I love you Mommy. I will always love you.

( I’d like to sleep tonight with thoughts of Mariel and a song which I know she liked. This one’s “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” by Katherine McPhee)