The past few days were indeed rough patches. I missed Mariel so badly that I had some difficulty focusing at work. She still is after all my life’s only “anchor” and nothing would seems worthwhile without being able to share it with her. Good things, bad things only made any sense if she was there with me. And I loved her so much, more than life itself.But matters eased off a bit today though. I guess it helped that she had “told” me something I needed to hear, more so now that my life’s in the doldrums (I’d blog about this more in days to come, when I’m ready). I felt a little better tonight enough to open her favorite CD music wallet in our car. It’s a first. I could not attempt to play any of her familiar songs since she passed away because they’d open floodgates of memories. Much more than I can handle.
Mariel listened to music mainly to relax and sometimes to help focus at work. Her musical tastes were truly eclectic. Ranging from Classical symphonies to Broadway to Jazz standards and late 70’s disco. She welcomed them all. She adored Sinatra and mellowed Rod Stewart. She listened to Astrud, Satchmo, Ella, but enjoyed Hagabis, Apo Hiking Soceity, Hotdog and Cinderella too. She often asked me to make her song compilations for her notebook computer or mobile phone music player. She was constantly surrounded by beautiful music which I surmised rubbed into our daughter Sam, who now shows great musical abilities. In fact, she would even try to appreciate my own somewhat “unique” musical tastes, let alone tolerate the raucity on my electric guitar noodling. That’s why she’s an angel, nothing of my “noise” fazed her.
Tonight I randomly pulled out one of her compilations, played it on the car’s CD changer and just decided to “chill” while driving home tonight. I know Mariel was with me, hugging me and telling everything will be all right.’Love you Mommy.( Here’s “Of All the Things” by Dennis Lambert from Mariel’s playlist. This one contains only pictures, but the music should be good enough because it speaks of finding one’s true love)