Is there a doctor in the house?

I lost my Mariel to Interstitial Lung Disease caused by Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. Barely six weeks after we checked with a dermatologist to complain about some ordinary rashes and fever. ( We were even discharged earlier at another hospital for what they thought was merely a viral infection, after ruling out Dengue ).

C3 ANA test, Lupus panel, Malaria check, TB check, Typhoid check, X-rays, Punch biopsy, Hi-res CT scan all proved negative initially. Until one day, someone mentioned interstitial blah blah. Medrol, Plaquinil, Azythromycin, Pulse therapy, Rituximab, Deep Vein 2-D echo, ICU,Ventilator later didn’t seem to help. I know the doctors did the best they could, but is there really something more I could have done for Mariel? I was with Mariel 24/7 in the last 10 days at the hospital. I suffered too with every dip of the Oximeter, that painful alarm, the Spirometer torture machine and Mariel’s every brave attempt to fight off the disease. She kept strong faith in God through it all until He took her on Sept. 20, 2007. The only reason perhaps I could not bring myself to “hate” God for what happened to her was the fact that she suffered more than my whining self and never wavered. Thus, Mariel is my angel for saving my soul.

Undifferentiated Connective Tissue disease is a cruel, strange, kilometric, treacherous, despicable, double- barreled snob of a disease. I will fight it now for Mariel through my own dying breath.

How’s Sam today?

Mariel and Sam in Baguio

I get queries on how Samantha’s doing much more than people ask me how I’m doing. But that’s ok because, right now really, Sam is all that I need to do. Being with her and caring for her eases somewhat the pain of no longer being with Mariel. I know Mariel approves(present tense) because Sam is everything to her. Everything.

Well today, October 16, Sam is doing her best to catch up with the barrage of missed quizzes and projects. She was absent for about two weeks. But I’m not worried Mariel has prepared her well for such things. Sam like her mom is very thorough with (school)work. Sam too can finally go back tomorrow to her beloved METTA practice (Assumption Musical Theater Program), and thus prepare for their December series of shows. By the way, Sam gets to play Annie in the Annie Musical. You know, ” I love you tomorrow… you’re only a day away”.

Please book early, call 8170757. I’m sure Mariel has already reserved the best seats.

Past tense Present

I have a hard time writing about, my love, Mariel in the past tense. As she will always be forever present in our lives.

I’ve said somewhere that I have always considered Mariel as my teacher. That’s because she had taught me all I needed to know on how to rear well our daughter, Sam. Mariel was so consistent at motherhood. Because almost every day that we shared in our ten years of togetherness had always a little “lesson” on how best to care for our daughter, as if preparing me to one day take over. You cannot argue with success though. For all the good grades, talents and proper upbringing that came into fruition through our daughter Sam, was actually Mariel working hard on the details.

So that Mariel will always be present when I go to school to see Sam get that “award”. Whenever Sam performs for that coveted musical theater part, whenever I tuck Sam to bed after making sure she gets to wash and brush her teeth. Mariel will be there too, always making sure I’m doing it right.

How am I doing today Mommy?

On Mothers

“Lola Mommy” Aurora at our wedding reception

Mariel loved to write. She once told me that she really wanted to be a journalist, but her dad had prevailed upon her to take up Accountancy at the University of Santo Tomas instead. Don’t get me wrong, Mariel was a darn good CPA, but she really wrote very well, as someone said with such “gentleness”. For truly Mariel was a gentle person in every way. And this came out naturally through her writings.

She wrote the following short piece for their office newsletter for Mother’s Day last May 2007. It was about Mariel’s own mother- Aurora, but it never got published as it arrived a bit late for press time. Well, Mommy (as I lovingly call Mariel), it’s about time for the whole world to know what a great writer you were. And more importantly, what a good (and gentle) heart you’ve always had.

MOTHER By: Mariel Gina F. Bello

“Why do most people think that mothers live forever? Maybe because a mother seems to have super powers so it just follows that she must be immortal as well. Or maybe because we tend to think that since she has always been around it must follow that she WILL always be around.

I had been one of these types of people. I had always seen my mother the way I saw her since I was a child. I saw her as the strong woman who was able to raise nine children, send them to school and marry them off to raise families of their own. I saw her as a rock steadfast and hard in the face of adversities and as an anchor who kept me grounded and safe when I was feeling lost. I saw her as a teacher who painstakingly taught each of her nine kids to write their names and do their homework. I saw her as the kind neighbor who took two orphan girls under her care till their relatives were finally able to take care of them. I saw her as the epitome of what a proper lady should be – one who would never raise her voice or hand in anger. I saw her as a saint who’d go to her daily masses and communion; who’d say the rosary not once but several times a day; who’d have calluses on her knees from kneeling and who’d have several novenas and prayer books by her side so she could pray in her idle time.

Just as I saw my mother in various ways, there are as much things that I failed or refused to see. I refused to see the silver hair, the slower gait, the minor aches and pains normally associated with the elderly. I refused to see these things because being elderly bode of staring one’s mortality in the face. In my mind, my mother cannot and will not leave us – her children.

I failed to see the loneliness in her eyes whenever I had or found time to visit her. I failed to hear the yearning and longing in her voice when I had to hung up the phone after a short talk with her. I failed to see these things because I was too wrapped up in my own concerns. I have lost track of how many of her phone calls I did not return. My husband Bong used to ask me to call her up but I always tell him that I’ll do it later, when I’m not so busy anymore.

Now I’m not so busy anymore, but she’s no longer there to take my call.

Mariel is truly the “World’s Greatest Mother” in my book and in Sam’s. We love you Mommy.