December 15, 2007 was the red-letter day for Mariel. She had looked forward to seeing Sam perform as Annie in her school community theater (Assumption METTA). Sam was playing “Annie” in Annie the Musical. Unfortunately as most of you already know Mariel had to leave us to join our Lord Jesus in heaven last Sept. 20, 2007.
Sam’s performance last night, more than anything was a tribute to her mommy’s love. For Mariel had brought up Sam to work on her gifts and to share them with others, just as she did. Mariel was a giving person and last night was Sam’s turn to give a little back to her beloved Mommy. I know Mariel would have been very proud and happy to see Sam’s rendition of Annie at Assumption. I know she was with us. I had reserved a seat beside me for her at the theater. As usual, it’s one with the best view. For the best mom in the whole wide world.
We miss you so much Mommy and we love you forever. — Daddy and Sam
I’ll stick to the Top Twenty favorite things of Mariel. Sorry, can’t keep it to just 10. By the way, I’m doing this for the most part so that our Sam will someday remember what her mom was like– a superbly talented and loving person who could have been anything she wanted to be. But chose instead to devote her life to caring for our only daughter and me. She was a one-of- a- kind mother and wife. I really hope many more people could have known her.
Back to the list, I’m sure I’ll miss a couple, so friends please help me out. Add those you might recall. ( This one’s not in any particular order. I’m just putting them up as I get to remember them )
1. Anything in the color violet, lilac or purple– this applies to almost everything from clothes, bags, umbrellas, decor, eye makeup, electric fans and coffee mugs. A color fit for royalty, a color fit for my princess.
2. Brad Pitt and Meryl Streep- This one’s contributed by Sam. She had asked her mom to fill up her diary with her list of favorite things just last July. I often kidded Mariel that I myself kinda look like Brad. She cringed a lot. I saw however a lot of Meryl’s “sympathetic” eyes in her. Mariel was best described as one who’s very soft-hearted.
3. Leather Bags- She was famous for having impeccably matched bags with her attire. She asked me to get her some during trips abroad. Laptop bags, leisure bags, handbags, she’s got it all. I’d say she had enough to match Imelda’s collection. (Sorry Mariel just kidding)
4. Shoes of all shapes– Of course what good are nice bags without nice shoes. Mariel made frequent trips to CMG et al and always had an eye for coming sale events. She can write a book about this. I must admit she’s got taste and the best legs and feet in the world to boot. I swear.
5. Clothes, clothes, clothes- Clothes were her passion too. She was once considering to put up a boutique that catered to children’s clothes. She’s got talent and the knowledge for this. I know she would have done very well.
6. Spaghetti, T-bone steak, Nuts, Tibuk- tibok, Mango and Pomelo- Food glorious food. I must explain, tibuk- tibok is the kapampangan version of maja blanca, a pudding- like dessert made with carabao’s milk. And also spaghetti is best from Pancake House and T- bone at medium well. “Mangan naka”.
7. Floral- scented perfumes- The “flavor of the month” was Estee Lauder’s Pleasures Intense eau de parfum spray for women. It’s website described it as “seductive, extremely lush floral, with low notes of vanilla and maple”. Of course Mariel shared the love by getting me a matching Pleasures Intense for men. Lately however, I’ll find myself spraying a bit of her fave scent just to trigger memories. Oh Mommy, I miss you so.
8. Literature, Poetry- She liked Shakespearean sonnets, Jeffrey Archer despite his bad political choices and just about any printed matter. She taught Sam the value of reading books, and that’s why she does very well in school. Of course, this is also probably the reason why Mariel wrote well. Please check out “In Mariel’s Words” category in this blog for examples of this.
9.Text and Email jokes- She had a good sense of humor (not like me). She sent me txt jokes on my mobile phone and email jokes too. She sent one to me the day before we went to the hospital. It was about being married and stuff. That one stays in my Inbox forever.
10. Leg and Foot Massages- I gave her these as often as I can, to relax her or put her to sleep. I wish I had done more.
11. Home Decorating and Crafts- She was truly amazing at this work. I had mentioned before how well she had ran our household. She kept a spotlessly clean and beautiful home that is truly worthy of a place in “Homes and Gardens”. She had a knack for eclectic matchings and was fearless with colors and prints. She also did a couple of papier tole art that will always be part of our bedroom.
12. Sinatra, Broadway, Classical music- Ol’ Blue eyes rules. Sinatra was always on heavy CD rotation. Mariel loved the romantic era. That’s why she applauded when Rod Stewart made the wise “move” and Buble etc. She also had complete Broadway original cast recordings of all the great ones. She had the biggest influence on Sam’s musical theater leanings and abilities.
13. Fresh Flowers- I could never devote enough space for her love of flowers. Stargazers, Tulips, Mums, Roses that made her day. Now I had set up a crusade to always honor her love for God’s beautiful creations.
14. Children and Cute babies- Mariel loved children and children loved her back. I was really amazed at how she was always the favorite of her little nieces and nephews. She connected with them in a genuine way and was often rewarded with sincere hugs and kisses.
15. Lifestyle Channel, Wolfgang Puck, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Project Runway- Mariel spent time relaxing keeping the cable on the Lifestyle Channel. After all beautiful things are her dedication. She may love a little bit of the “tsismis” in some of the reality shows too. Who doesn’t?
16. CSI- Crime Scene Investigation, the series was her absolute TV favorite. She even got the DVDs before they hit Metrowalk. Las Vegas was tops, then New York and Miami. She however could not stand usual trite remarks written for the lead actor in the LV episodes.
17. Soft pillows and snuggling on cold December mornings- Look I love them too. But Mariel just loved being in bed with us on cold mornings talking of our dreams for Sam. I miss this a lot, she was my anchor and my compass. I still feel lost today.
18. Crash Bandicoot, Tetris and Super Mario- Even before I met her Mariel was already the Super Mario champion of Mandaluyong. When she was heavy with Sam, she spent hours on end mastering PlayStation’s Crash Bandicoot. Which she actually did. Mariel excelled in anything she puts her mind into.
19. Jewelry- Who would not want some diamonds. Unfortunately, I gave her teeny- weeny ones for our “wedding engagement”. Pearls too were her love. She wore them almost daily at work. She always told me that she was “collecting” these for Sam. She told me this two weeks before she passed away. Her most precious one however, was our simple gold wedding band which was never off her till the last. That says a lot to me.
20. 9- ball pool and Efren “Bata” Reyes- One would have never thought this. She never played the game but loved following Efren’s battles on ESPN. It again showed that side of her that loved to cheer for the underdog. She was always all heart.
( I will end tonight with Efren’s youtube clip of one of his “magical” pool shots that Mariel and I had watched so many times. I’m sure Mariel’s watching now. I love you Mommy, Good Night. )
I had originally written- off Christmas this year. Of course, I could not get myself to get into the holiday mood because of my present situation. I’ve told you before how it breaks my heart to even hear “Silent Night” played on radio or at the mall. It just reminds me once more how my life is now so utterly incomplete. And that maybe I can never be happy or whole again. How can I even think about being “home for Christmas” when Mariel’s no longer there to make it a joyful reunion for us. For she had simply made it all worthwhile. And now it pains me to even think about “noche buena” and the coming yuletide season. Days are filled with bitterness and lamentations.
But even if it resulted to another Sisyphean ordeal for me, I had decided to put up Mariel’s Christmas tree last night ( you can see a photo of my “valiant” attempt above). Because I knew how much Mariel looked forward to putting up our Christmas decors each year, I had to do this one even as it meant tears again with each “unwrapping”. Because even tiny little colored balls had heaps of memories in them. For I know how Mariel had carefully chosen each one. We had spent countless hours together looking for them at shops in the mall, even though I was not quite totally enthusiastic back then. For you know, we husbands and men often see these things as cheerless chores. Now I know better.
Mariel had planned for the yearly themes. Sometimes it was lilac, sometimes it was blue and silver. Or red and gold. There was even a time it was traditional Russian motif, complete with the onion-shaped golden ornaments. Mariel was a genius at getting our humble abode to look like a perfect “Homes and Gardens” scene. She was very creative and never really spent extravagantly on the project. ( I’ll let you in on her “trade secret’, she actually thought it best to buy some of the Christmas decors in January when they are on “sale” and find imaginative uses for them at the year’s end. Now you know why I loved her so)
I also managed to set up only the Christmas tree on Saturday night. The are many more Christmas “touches” and adornments that I know Mariel would want me to put up from her boxes of goodies. And, I do this wholeheartedly for her. For as long as I can and no matter if I may have to roll that boulder as Sisyphus would forever, I will make sure to have Mariel’s Christmas tree up each year. If only to again serve her memory. If only to get a chance to once more tell her how much I love her.
I love you Mariel. I hope my little decorating “experiment” made you smile tonight.
(I promise that”I’ll be home for Christmas”, for you Mommy)
We’ve added a Guestbook to the “pages” bar above. Please do upload photos and leave some messages if possible. We know Mariel would appreciate these very much. Kind regards to you all.
Grieving is a lonely road I must learn to travel by myself. There are no road maps to hasten the journey. Only anecdotes and tear-drenched stories of those who have gone through it before. And with gratitude I take comfort in their promise. There are many others too who want to join me on my passage. Family, friends and even faceless people who share my deep anguish. And I thank them all so very much from my heart’s depths for their caring and affection.
But I alone can make this trek through the valley. And hope to maybe make it through the other side. Sometimes it’s cold and desolate, sometimes so full of suffocating regrets. And I pray to God that He may hold my hand as I make the crossing. But I’m not ready to “let go” just yet. Not just yet. Please forgive me Mariel for being so spineless now. I love you so much and have only your memories to keep me going. Give me a little more time to learn to live with the pain and accept that you are in a really, really better place. And as Linda once said ” to find reasons to wake up each day, knowing Samantha is enough”. I love you Mommy. I will always love you.
( I’d like to sleep tonight with thoughts of Mariel and a song which I know she liked. This one’s “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” by Katherine McPhee)
I go to Heritage Park to “talk” to Mariel as often as I can. I was there again today, Sunday. No, I am not turning delusional. It’s just that I try to find time to have some moments with her in those very peaceful whereabouts. I close my eyes and feel the gentle breeze on my face as if to receive Mariel’s own gentle kisses. I also make sure that her special place is kept “squeaky clean” and has her favorite fresh flowers as much as possible.. Those who knew Mariel can attest to how well she kept a clean home and work environment for us. She had provided the order for us to thrive and blossom.
While there, I just basically tell her what’s on my mind. Mostly about caring for Sam. I must admit that I’m still overwhelmed by the task ahead of now having to raise our nine- year old daughter single-handedly. I have always been poor at understanding women. How much more now that I have to deal with a highly- intelligent daughter who is also slowly starting to find her own place in the world. Daughters don’t come with a “user’s manual. So I just try my best to assure her that I will always be there for her, no matter what. And that I will be there to “listen” to anything she may want to share with me 24/7. I know she misses her Mommy much, but has just been a little better than me at “hiding’ it. After all she “is” her mommy’s daughter. Mariel was never a “cry-baby”.
Therefore, I try to put Sam to bed each night and sing her lullabies as her mom used to do. Overall, I just attempt to “wing it” at taking Mariel’s place. She was so good at it and had put up such high standards that I can now only clumsily carry on. I don’t do it reluctantly however. Because it’s my way of showing Mariel how much I truly loved her. I love Sam as much too. But here’s another chance to serve her memory. Which is to give all my love to the person Mariel loved so very much. Our Samantha.
Mommy, please help me bring up our daughter to be like the fine lady that you were. Because only then can I be completely happy and be able to say that I have done my work well at honoring my one true love. My Mariel.
It’s that time of month again. I promised myself to try to not keep count. Someone told me somewhere that keeping score of the time Mariel’s been gone may actually keep her from being at peace. And God knows that I’d do anything to make sure that she’d always be kept safe and at peace. For she deserved the best, even when in life she did not get all of what she merited. Because I was a lazy, good-for-nothing slacker who never really comprehended what I had. I never came around to fulfilling many of Mariel’s dreams as I had always thought I had a lifetime to work on them. Our dreams. Not pie-in the-sky, pompous ones. Simple aspirations mainly for our daughter Samantha.
Mariel wanted some day to have her own small garden, tending to flowering plants. She loved working with them. She was happiest checking on tiny buds on their journey to bloom land. She wanted to get published too. She actually emailed the Palanca Foundation last May asking how she can join the literary competition. I cheered her on as I knew that she was a good writer. Even better, I knew she was a good writer with a good heart. Mariel also wanted to one day get a chance to see Europe. She dreamed of seeing alpine mountains, museums and castles.The stuff of legends fit for a princess. My princess.
Most of all however, Mariel wanted to see Sam develop into the fine lady she can be. But while she dreamed of Sam becoming a doctor some day, a pediatrician perhaps she once said. However, she would have approved anything Sam wanted to be, as long as it made Sam happy. Our daughter once told us that she wanted to be a theater director -slash- professor some day. Mariel had said yes, because she saw Sam had the gift for singing and acting well. Mariel’s eyes lit up with joy every time she saw Sam perform and get some recognition. Because Sam’s happiness and triumphs were her own. And that’s why Mariel looked forward to again seeing her perform as “Annie” in a school musical this coming December 15. By the way, I’ve already reserved her a seat. One with the best view. For Mariel always deserved the best.
Today, November 20, I promise Mommy to keep all your dreams alive. I promise that I will one day make them all come true. Because you deserve it, Mommy. Because you are our princess forever. We love you very much.
This post was originally called “Useful Tips from Mariel on what to do when your Life’s a Mess”. But my daughter Sam asked me to edit it as it was boringly long. Also she said it might be better to be “cryptic” as more people will be drawn to it out of curiousity. She’s 9 years old and I’m taking advice from her. Such is my life now.
It’s been some days since my last blog. Partly because I lost my internet connection (which is obviously back now). Also, I guess the more “mundane” stuff of life have caught up with me too (read bills, bills and more bills). Mariel had always “protected” me from these as I’ve always thought bills were junk mail meant to be dispensed with. The fog of bereavement too has lifted as most people have stopped speaking to me in hushed tones or acting deferentially. As they like to say “Life must move on”. But moving on is easier said than done when you have to care for a nine- year old daughter and deal with your clients’ egos at work at the same time . Well I guess I may have to take some tips from Mariel because “that” is what she did everyday of our married life. So I tried my best to “predict” what Mariel would have done if she were in my shoes and life’s a mess, as it is now for me. Here goes:
1) Let Go, Let God
Mariel never failed to seek God’s guidance and protection above all. In our most desperate of moments, when she was already so gravely ill at the UST Hospital, she steadfastly kept faith and faced her sickness with both courage and grace. She never once wavered as she knew that the Lord always kept her best interest at heart.
In our years together, she also never failed to remind me to be thankful for whatever little blessings came our way, even if it meant literally dragging me to Church every Sunday. She went on novenas when Sam got sick. Never one to “broadcast” her piety, Mariel always kept her prayerful life away from public view. She is still my angel today keeping me on God’s path.
2) First Things First
Mariel always knew her priorities. She always decided to do the most critically important things first above the seemingly urgent. (Stephen Covey wrote about it, but Mariel really practiced it) She also was never swayed by the socially expedient over doing the right thing, most specially if it concerned our daughter Sam. I shall always try to be guided by her example and keep myself from being distracted by the “non-essentials”.
3) Know Thyself
Mariel often advised me to accept my limitations. She was my greatest cheerleader but she’d be first to tell me to “cut my losses” when prudence dictated it. She tried to keep me from squandering precious time on quixotic pursuits and made me confront squarely my “realities”. She did this unpleasant task though with such gentleness that I had never felt oppressed. She did it too because she loved me so much and did not want to see me “get hurt” in the end. And, of course, she was always right.
4) Just Do It, Period.
Mariel never hesitated to do anything important even if it meant some personal sacrifice or discomfort. She would often bring home some work from the office and soldiered on till about 3 in the morning simply because they needed to get done. She never complained, blamed anyone or whined. She just did what she believed was necessary. I wished I had her great sense of duty and utter lack of “theatrics”.
5) Get A Massage
While Mariel believed in getting things done, she was not above relaxing or getting a good leg and foot massage. She often wanted a few minutes of massage (courtesy of yours truly) before going to bed, “to rest and live to fight another day”. She knew the value of a well-deserved pause before going back to the trenches. Don’t worry Mariel, I will be back to giving you your well-earned massages when we next meet. I love you Mommy.
Mariel would have kissed me as I woke up today and said “Happy Birthday Daddy”. Of course she would have already wrapped a “surprise” gift, usually a nice shirt (as she knew I have poor taste in clothes) and would have also written me some heart- warming notes like “as an additional gift, I promise not to be ‘sungit’ for one week.” Mariel had the better sense of humor. She used to make me laugh. Now I can only cry at best. And I had a pretty good cry before finally getting out of bed this morning. For I missed her so badly.
By the way, she talked to my mom a few months ago about giving me something “special” this year, this being my 50th. I would have wanted to tell her however that just being with her was more than enough to make my birthdays special and memorable. Her being with me today like going window-shopping at ShangriLa mall would have been already a treat. We usually went there on Sundays to hear Mass and eat lunch. Then. its off to my sister’s place in Lexington Garden Village where we would have a small “party”. Parties simply meant having “merienda” with family and friends, while Sam got to play with the other kids. This year, its something similar except that Mariel’s no longer there to make it “fun”. Feelings of joy these days it seems, come far between moments of longing and emptiness.
The only thing that brought some joy today was reading again Mariel’s birthday card to me of a few years back, which said (I know see wouldn’t mind) — “I celebrate today, the day you came into the world, for if you hadn’t I’m sure I never would have known the kind of happiness you brought into my life. I love you, Happy Birthday”.
I love you very much too, Mommy. Take care and good night.
We had a pleasant evening remembering Mariel on her birthday. I had read to her some messages of love and longing in a letter I specially wrote today. She was a person too “beautiful” to be easily forgotten. Fortunately, Mariel had found a way to “speak” to me too.
Earlier this day, I had chanced upon a small pile of letters and cards that she kept all these years hidden away in a small box. They were mostly short notes that accompanied her gifts to me on birthdays and special occasions such as Valentine’s, Father’s day etc. These were the ones I would usually rip out from neatly wrapped boxes to get to “my” presents on those dates. Mariel probably picked them up from where I had unceremoniously discarded them and saved them for tonight. I confess to being such a “dummy”. While I had mindlessly ignored those priceless little notes, Mariel ever- caring sent me one more precious gift from Heaven. She had still found a way to console me on this my darkest of nights. Because she had managed a way to tell me– “I always love you, far more than you know”. I really needed to hear those words tonight. And there was so much more she said which I guess can only treasure forever.
Mariel, I also truly love you far more than you can know. And I will just have to live the rest of my life showing you how. Happy Birthday, Mommy.
( She loved this song and it was permanently on her playlist. I wish I can sing it as well. She knows I really mean every word in it and will always remember her as the beautiful person she was, till we can meet again )
It’s a “slow” day today, November 2. And it’s also a holiday. Most people are quietly recovering from yesterday’s big event of the month.
I still think a lot about Mariel though. Like maybe spending away lazily the afternoon doing nothing. I used to always give her leg & foot massages that made her sleep better. I know I’d like to give her some more when I can. Maybe even sing her a lullaby. And snuggle too, with Sam close by. So close you eyes, Mariel. You can close your eyes it’s all right. “Daddy’s” here to keep you safe. Sleep well, my love.
(This featured timeless James Taylor tune says it all. I know Mariel will like it very much)
It’s that time of year when the three of us ( Mariel. Sam and me) try to be out early for the November 1, All Saints’ Day commemoration.
Mariel will have prepared the usual “basket of flowers” for my dad, Manuel, as we head out for ” Libingan ng mga Bayani” to visit him at the memorial place. She made our “field trips” enjoyable and eventful. She made sure to have the much- anticipated spaghetti and “ensaymada” for everybody at lunch. It was a time of uncommon lightness and positive vibes on this somewhat “morbid” occasion. Mariel was also always glowingly regal on such events. She was always smartly and appropriately dressed and added a touch of “class” to what is perceived to be as an ordinary yearly chore.
We all know this year will be a little different.
We’ve made sure however to have spaghetti and ensaymada as usual. And of course, the flowers she loved were all there too. (Only white ones, please) It was also an occasion no less “regal” as Mariel was without a doubt also in our midst. You can feel her serenity and grace in the air. Her lightness of spirit. Her warmth and reassuring presence.
We were there with Mama, Alma, Baguie, the kids, and our other loved ones at Heritage Park for the day and the evening. We tried to remember all those November Ones we shared with Mariel. But while we’ve made sure we had spaghetti, ensaymada again, we also knew some things can never really be the same too. Because we will no longer have Mariel’s melodious laughter or calming speaking voice to hear. Or will ever wake up early for All- Saints Day anticipating to have a great day, on a morbid holiday, as only Mariel can make it. We miss you “Mommy”
We had a simple commemoration of the 40th day of Mariel’s passing last October 29. We had Holy Mass said by Fr. Ginu from India and had dinner with friends and family at Lexington clubhouse. It was also a time to thank all those who had helped us through our time of great sadness.(as I now also take this opportunity to say “Thank you” to all of you who were “there for us”. I’m so humbled by all the care, kindness and comforting embrace)
By Christian tradition, “Forty Days” is the time when we affirm that Mariel has finally joined our Lord Jesus in heaven, as He did himself ascend to be with the Father for the same number of days after Easter. This is a central belief for us Christians as it promises that we are after all, merely “passing through” this life on Earth. And that we are really meant to re-join one day Jesus and those we love in our real home in heaven.
I hold on dearly to this belief. Because someday at God’s chosen time, I too will be called to join Him and to again be with my Mariel. I await that time with deep hope and yearning. For on that day I will again touch her face and tell her that at last we can have each other for eternity. Please wait for me Mariel, my love, and prepare that place for us, as you have always done so well.
I received an email from one of our closest friends- Dr. Bob Santos- regarding an anecdote he wanted very much to share through this blog. He calls it “The Introduction” about the first time he met Mariel. By the way, Mariel was the very first lady I had formally introduced to my close friends and even to my own family too. She was after all the ONE. The only woman who really stirred my heart enough for me to joyfully shout to the world that the long wait is over. I have finally found my soul mate, life partner, wife and best friend.
I leave this article unedited for Bob to tell it like it really was. It is both funny and heartwarming.
“THE INTRODUCTION by Bob Santos
Friday was D-day. How could I forget that fateful evening in the 90’s! our very own Bong Bello, the last of the bachelors, was formally introducing his “conquest” to this band of UPSCA brothers.Now we have heard of this or that damsel he met in one of his electric forays. But a formal introduction?!!! No way! Not Bong.Not his style.Slam bam, thank you ma’m. She is probably one of those nameless ones. This I got to see.
That evening at Pilo’s Restaurant in Katipunan was quite a revelation. To my surprise Bong actually brought along a lady! It started a little uncomfortable for the rosy Mariel, surrounded by “bubuyogs” Bong, Allen, Monser and myself (Dr. Albert was out butchering patients) all ready for the roast. The guys were their usual boisterous and foolish selves, but Mariel was trying very hard to remain composed. Not for long.
“so what kind of music do you listen to?” Mon blurted out. Suddenly the table was silent. For the boys, her answer was important. We were bonded together by our common love of rock, jazz and progressive music, with Bong as the high priest of guitars. The question was definitely a probe. Anything less than Holdsworth, Hendrix or Zeppelin was blasphemy! A Michael Bolton would have driven us to tears. And a Sharon Cuneta answer would have soured our friendship irreparably.
Sensing a trap, it took Mariel an eternity to answer, glancing at darling Bong, fishing for reassurance. Finally…”Gershwin”, she said nervously, hoping for acceptance. Silence followed. Then Mon, the true friend that he is, came to the rescue — “Ako rin Gershwin…Gershwind and Fire!” The table suddenly exploded with laughter with Mariel also teary-eyed from laughing. Composure definitely gone, Bong heaved a sigh of relief. At that point on, I knew it was just a matter of time.
Congratulations Bong. You finally took that leap of faith. It was now our turn to be your best-est men.”
It’s Saturday, Oct. 27 and I’m at the office finishing up on some work as well as tending to “Mariel’s Garden”. Sam’s away with my sister Alma doing trick or treating somewhere in Pasig. Every year, Mariel prepared for “the” Halloween event. Last year, she personally designed Sam’s Cruela De Ville outfit. Before that, it was Belle and characters from the Disney portfolio. It’s all for fun and games. And the chance to dress up the “doll” of her life, Samantha. Mariel was very creative with costumes and stuff. Well actually, she was good with just about everything. Decors, crafts, clothes, writing etc. I even hate to admit it but she was way more creative than me, and I’m the one that actually does it for a living.
This year, Sam’s outfit will be of the “witchy” kind, courtesy of Tito Baguie, who had picked this costume in a recent US trip. Everyone has been so kind and helpful to us both, trying to ease Mariel’s absence now from our lives. We truly appreciate all the love and care we have received.
But while Halloween too shall pass, it will never the same at least for me. For I no longer have Mariel to “tease” about having some-other- kid’s-costume- as- being- nicer than Sam’s. Or having a rare, special day spent with just the two of us as Sam’s out trick or treating for the rest of the afternoon with her cousins. Instead I’m alone at the office, flailing at my old computer, grasping at fleeting memories and wishing I had Mariel beside me now to say, I love you “Mommy”.
Mariel's Garden 
